Battle For The Red One
by Scorpiogal
Summary: I've read millions of Kagome vs. Kikyo stories, but Hey! I'm not tired of them!
1. Default Chapter

I just came up with this one last night. Not much else to say about it.  
  
I don't own Inu Yasha, but if I'm lucky then I'll get published someday. (I'm writing a book.)  
  
  
  
Battle for the Red One  
  
By Scorpiogal  
  
  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Jane Doe!"  
  
"Psycho Ex!"  
  
"Slut!"  
  
"Witch!"  
  
Kagome glared at Kikyo, and Kikyo glared back. Sango walked over to Shippou and asked, "What's going on?"  
  
"I missed the beginning, but I think they're fighting over something." Shippou whispered.  
  
Sango looked at him and sweatdropped, "No, really, ya' think?"  
  
Kikyo snorted and said, "You are just a second hand armature and you are going to lose."  
  
"In you're dreams, Barbie!" Kagome said. "When this is over I will be the one walking away with the red one." She pointed toward the tree where Inu Yasha was sleeping.  
  
Kikyo gave her a dirty look then suggested they shoot arrows. Kikyo shot the first arrow and it hit the bull's-eye. "Beat that, Jane Doe." She said.  
  
Kagome nodded casually. She stepped up to the white line and turned her back to the target. She shoot the arrow behind her back and hit the target. "Beat that, Psycho Ex!" They did a whole bunch of crazy tricks, Kikyo did it blind folded, Kagome did it under her legs. Kikyo shot it with her feet, Kagome shot it with her teeth, Kikyo shot it with her tongue.  
  
It came out a tie. Kagome and Kikyo stood panting and glaring at each other. "Now what genious?" Kikyo asked.  
  
  
  
"Make them stop Sango! Make them stop!" Shippou cried.  
  
"Hey! You guys!" Sango said. "This really isn't a good idea!"  
  
Kagome made a motion that said, "Shove it, Sango!" Kikyo started to turn purple. Kagome trembled as she tried to hold her breath. Kikyo shoved her, because she plays dirty. But Kagome doesn't take people pushing her around, (I.e. SIT!!). So she shoved her back. They shoved each other, then Kikyo grabbed a chunk of her hair and pulled.  
  
"YAAHH!" Kagome screamed.  
  
"I win! I win!" Kikyo shouted.  
  
"Nuh uh! You cheated!" Kagome complained.  
  
"Nuh uh! At the beginning we made it clear that there was no cheating." Kikyo smiled big.  
  
"Best 2 out of 3!" Kagome shouted raising a fist.  
  
"It won't matter, if we did! I will win each of them!" Kikyo said.  
  
"I will not give up!" Kagome shouted.  
  
  
  
Kagome looked nervously at the 72 sake bottles. "Um, I've never had sake before." She admitted quietly.  
  
"Can't stand the heat? Then get out of the kitchen!" Kikyo said cradling the neck of a bottle. "You don't have to try my contest, you know. All you have to do is forfeit and-"  
  
Kagome growled and help out her hand, "Hit me, Sango!"  
  
Sango handed her a bottle.  
  
Sixteen bottles later.  
  
Kikyo smiled drunkly at Kagome who was falling face first into the sake puddle she had made five bottles ago.  
  
"Heh, yuurrr bout ta loose." Kikyo mumbled and swayed a little bit.  
  
"N-no, you haven't won yet Kick you!" Kagome said louder then she needed to.  
  
"Just admit I'm stronger then you! The first one to pass out or throw up loses." Kikyo said.  
  
Kagome felt the feeling rising in her chest. "Excuse me." She said. She jolted her head like a hairballing cat and clutched her chest and mouth. She stumbled off behind a tree and relieved her stomach.  
  
"Good night." Kikyo said and she fell backwards passing out.  
  
  
  
Seven hours and a hangover later.  
  
"Okay, my turn to challenge." Kagome said. " I challenge you to a bike riding contest."  
  
"Okay, now that shouldn't be aloud." Kikyo said. "That would be like me challenging you to a-."  
  
"To a drinking contest?" Kagome frowned at her.  
  
"It's not like they have bikes in my time." Kikyo said.  
  
"There aren't any rules, Kikyo, remember?" Kagome said.  
  
"You have to successfully ride up that hill, around the tree, come back down and stop before we get to that white line. Whoever crosses that white line, will lose whoever get's the closest without crossing it, wins."  
  
Kagome went first. She switched her bike into gear and went up the hill. She circled the tree, zoomed down the hill, and stopped gracefully before the line. Kikyo got on the bike. She struggled up the hill half pushing herself along the way, She almost ran into the tree as she circled it, then she zoomed down the hill screaming. She passed the white line and landed in a mud puddle.  
  
"Yay! I won!" Kagome shouted.  
  
Kikyo made that crybaby face she usually makes when she doesn't get her way. Kagome jumped around celebrating. That was when Inu Yasha decided to wake up. He jumped out of the tree and stood in front of it. He looked at Kikyo who was pouting in a mud puddle to Kagome who was jumping around screaming.  
  
"What is wrong with you?" he asked.  
  
Kagome smiled evilly his way. She stood and pointed, "The red one is mine!" Inu Yasha raised an eyebrow and took a step back. Kagome started to walk toward him.  
  
Sango and Shippou held their breath and Kikyo watched in envy. Kagome walked past Inu Yasha and pulled something out from behind to tree. She held it up triumphantly. Everyone saw it and facefaulted. Kikyo burst into tears.  
  
"Kagome," Sango, who was the first to recover said. "Is that a STARBURST?"  
  
"It's not just any starburst!!" Kagome exclaimed. "It's CHERRY!"  
  
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It was a fun story, but no mo chaptos afto this! Pwease review! ^_^ 


	2. Battle for HER

Hey! I know this is supposed to be a one shot, but I decide otherwise! Hope you like! ^_^  
  
Chapter 2: Battle for HER  
  
  
  
"You can't have her!" Kouga smiled confidently at Inu Yasha.  
  
"What are you talking about!" Inu Yasha shouted. "I've always had her, she travels with ME, doesn't she?!"  
  
"But she doesn't like you, you've never had a chance!" Kouga said.  
  
"The fudge I do! She was with me last night!" Inu Yasha boasted.  
  
"Yeah right! You couldn't catch a thing like her! You couldn't even catch the flu!" Kouga said.  
  
"Shut up and fight me!" Inu Yasha shouted. He raised his fist into the air. Kouga raised his fist into the air.  
  
""Paper, Rock, Scissors!""  
  
Two rocks.  
  
""Paper, Rock, Scissors!""  
  
Two papers.  
  
""Paper, Rock, Scissors!""  
  
Kouga Paper, Inu Yasha rock.  
  
"YES!" Kouga shouted.  
  
"This isn't over yet, Whimpy wolf!" Inu Yasha shouted. "We made a deal! Three out of Five wins a chase for her and we're at a draw!"  
  
"Well there's only been two games! You pick next, happy?" Kouga said.  
  
"Ecstatic!" Inu Yasha shouted.  
  
  
  
"All right! Now this is my kind of sport!" Kouga said. They sat at opposite sides of the boulder.  
  
Shippou came along. "Uh-oh, not another one!" he went and sat beside Inu Yasha.  
  
"You know you're setting yourself up for a loss!" Kouga said. "How can a weak halfling like you defeat a demon like me?"  
  
"Watch me!" Inu Yasha said. He rolled back his sleeve. They stuck there arms out and clasped each others hand. "1,2,3!" Shippou shouted. They both started to arm wrestle. Kouga leaned it to the left. Inu Yasha leaned it to the right, then they were back in the middle. Kouga leaned forward a little bit. Inu Yasha gripped the boulder. They both gritted their teeth and their faces turned red. Then they both started screaming. POW!  
  
Inu Yasha slammed Kouga's arm against the boulder so hard that the rock exploded.  
  
Inu Yasha jumped ten feet into the air, "WOOHAH!"  
  
"Idiot! Get down!" Kouga said. "She'll know what we're up to if you do that!" he pointed at where Kagome was doing her homework. She glanced up at them. They both sweatdropped. She sighed and went back to what she was doing.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong? Can't think of something for us to do?" Inu Yasha asked.  
  
"Well, I can't think with a half breed breathing down my neck!" Kouga shouted in frustration.  
  
Then Miroku and Shippou were walking by.  
  
"Hey!" Inu Yasha got their attention. "We need two more competitions, can any of you think of any?"  
  
Oh what they got themselves into. ;;;;;;;;  
  
  
  
"Alright." Miroku said, "The one who can say the most embarrassing thing about themselves wins!"  
  
Inu Yasha and Kouga sweatdropped but they were desperate enough to do it. (Or stupid enough.) They both stood up on a roof in front of the whole village. Some people glanced at them as they walked by.  
  
"Ladies first!" Kouga said.  
  
Inu Yasha growled at him.  
  
"Just go, Inu Yasha!" Sango said.  
  
He sighed and sweatdropped somemore. "I turn into a human on the new moon."  
  
.....  
  
"And?" Miroku said.  
  
"That's it!" Inu Yasha said.  
  
"Oh, please!" Kouga said. He shoved Inu Yasha aside. "HEY!" he shouted loud enough to turn a few heads.  
  
"I'm afraid of butterflies!" he shouted.  
  
A couple of people sweatdropped and walked faster.  
  
"How do you like that, dogturd!" he said with a smile.  
  
"Actually, that doesn't seem to bother you so no one wins that one." Miroku said.  
  
"WHAT?!" Both guys said.  
  
  
  
"The one whom does the boldest thing wins!" Sango said.  
  
Inu Yasha and Kouga sat thinking of that one for a second. "I've got it!" Inu Yasha said. He went up to Sango, grabbed her face and kissed her. She looked freaked out. "PERVERT!" she recovered fast and hit him on the head with her boomerang.  
  
Inu Yasha sat rubbing the bump on his head. Sango stormed off not wanting anymore part in this story.  
  
"That was pretty bold." Miroku said.  
  
Kouga had to find some way to top that, but how?  
  
Idea!  
  
He went up to Inu Yasha and kissed him.  
  
"EWWW!" Miroku turned around and purposely banged his head against the nearest tree.  
  
Inu Yasha was about to kill him. "You frickn' queer!" Inu Yasha shouted. He drew his sword on him. Kouga moved away in a whirlwind. "I'm only trying to win the bet, dogturd, get a clue!"  
  
"Well you're pretty frickn' desperate!" Inu Yasha shouted angrily. "Remind me to kill you when this is over!"  
  
Inu Yasha sheathed his sword and looked over at Miroku.  
  
The priest was banging his head against a tree saying, "BAD IMAGE! BAD IMAGE! BAD IMAGE! I'M BLIND! BAD IMAGE!" over and over again.  
  
Inu Yasha spit in disgust.  
  
"I'll give you a tournament! I guess Kouga won that round, so this'll be the tie breaker."  
  
Inu Yasha started to walk off with his hand over his mouth. "I'll be right back, I need to find some heavy mouth wash! THAT NASTY WOLF USED HIS TONGUE!!!!"  
  
  
  
"Okay!" Shippou said. "The one who can keep the rap going wins!" he turned on the sterio. (An: Disclaimer, I do not own Parappa.)  
  
"Revolutions are the time, people changing the world with crime!" Kouga sang. "With violence, anger, hunger, whatever-"  
  
"I find that ridiculous-" Inu Yasha rapped. "If not, meticulous, I do my best to guard my own premises-"  
  
Kouga started to say something but it didn't sound right, the music continued in silence.  
  
"I WIN!" Inu Yasha shouted. He went into his victory dance. He stopped in front of Kouga and rolled his head from side to side. "Who's the Bee-otch now!" he said and laughed.  
  
  
  
Inu Yasha croutched low in the tall grass. He moved closer and closer to the tree, where Kagome was doing her homework. Kouga and Shippou sat in a tree watching. "Why are we here?" Shippou asked.  
  
"Shhh," Kouga said. "I want to see him screw this up!"  
  
He listened to everything around him. He moved quietly closer, closer, closer...  
  
He saw her in plain sight now. Inu Yasha leapt from the grass right over her. "You're mine!" he shouted.  
  
She looked up, screeched, and started to run. He chased after her barking, "WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" Then he jumped and caught her around the waist. "I did it!" he shouted. "I DID IT! I CAUGHT HER! YES!" he held Kirara up triumphantly. She sweatdropped and said. "Mew." ;;;; ------------------------------------ ^_^ ;;; Yeah! I had this idea a while ago! Tell me what ya think, ya? 


End file.
